16 Things To Do Differently During The Grieving Process

With the Christmas holidays kicking off in less than a week, I should be jumping for joy.

But the truth is, the holidays are not the happiest of times in my family. December not only brings us my dads birthday every year, but also the anniversary of the day he died happens to land right on Christmas Day. 

Not great timing, I know. 

And so while Christmas baking, family gatherings, and presents under the tree may be all you see, all I can sometimes see is what should have been, and what's now not here. 

So today on the topic of grief, I want to share with you the things I would have done differently if I had to grieve my dads death all over again. 

Here are 16 things to do differently during the grieving process:

1. Slow down and be present in every moment (the funeral & visitation) instead of trying to look “fine and strong”
2. Stop pretending that everything is ok and avoiding the reality of what life is going to look like moving forward
3. Ask for and accept help. I would swallow my pride and admit that yes, I am struggling and that dinner delivery or playdate for my daughter would be really helpful. 
4. ⁣Take time away from my business for as long as I needed, even though at the time that felt impossible. Just because I am self employed, doesn't mean I am any less deserving of time away to grieve. 
5. ⁣Let the waves of grief happen, never hold back tears, anger, fear, shame or hard questions.⁣
6. ⁣Stop all extreme workouts (HIIT, aggressive strength training, etc.)
7. ⁣Instead, move daily with yoga, walking, hiking, and flexibility only⁣
8. ⁣Go to therapy right away so I could heal ⁣properly
9. ⁣Not use alcohol and processed foods as comfort⁣
10. ⁣Realize the importance of nourishing my body with water vs caffeine and alcohol and whole healthy foods vs sugar
11. ⁣Meditation and journaling several times daily whether I wanted to or not. Get it all out on paper.⁣
12. ⁣Find stress management strategies asap and use them⁣
13. ⁣Eat more magnesium rich foods to help with sleep⁣
14. ⁣Create a nighttime routine that would encourage better sleep (no blue light, meditation, reading, no food for 3 hrs before bed)⁣
15. ⁣Not use work as an escape⁣. 
16. ⁣Realize that other peoples grief journey was not my responsibility⁣

⁣

Basically if I had to do it again (which I inevitably will), I’d walk through grief accepting it for what it is, and embracing myself and what I was going through.⁣

I’d give myself grace and realize that over working, over exercising, stress eating, hiding my anger, sadness, shame, etc would make the whole process longer vs moving through it in the moment.

My point is this:

Take this for what it means to you right now. Shelf it, ignore it or use this as your grief guide.⁣

⁣In all honesty, I wish no one would ever need this but in reality, you will.